I'm just going to go ahead and say it: Meeting people and dating is freaking hard. Seriously, what is the deal? I hear the stories of how my grandparents met and I tell myself that there is no way that something like that would ever happen to me. Maybe the butcher at the store would hit on me and ask me out until I caved and said yes, but wouldn't you agree that it would be perceived as being a little creepy in this day and age? Hey, it worked for my grandparents. Just saying. There's a good chance that my grandchildren will tell the story about how it was love at first swipe for their grandparents. It's sad to say, but it is becoming more and more a reality. Meeting someone in person in your surroundings, or even through friends, is becoming increasingly hard. Is this because we are becoming more introverted? Is it a fear of coming on too strong? I won't lie, I do get a little weirded out when I get approached by a man in any kind of setting. And so, naturally, many of us turn to our phones to find out next mate.
I will be the first to admit that I was not sold on the idea of dating apps when I first heard of them. Tinder was released when I was in the 10th grade, so I obviously wasn't using it, and Bumble came out in my first year of university while I was in a committed relationship. When I found myself single, dating apps had gained popularity and were being used by a good portion of the single population. I realized that I had zero idea how to date. How do I flirt? How do I ask a guy out? How do I show that I'm interested? How do I tell a guy that I'm not? Heck, how do I even meet a guy to begin with? After asking myself all of these questions, I downloaded Bumble. I was shocked to see how some men presented themselves. Was this really what was out there? Is this ALL that is out there? It was a learning curve, and I am here to share some of the lessons I've learned.
I asked myself, "Do guys think these kinds of profiles work?"
Holy crap. I have seen some really entertaining profiles on both Bumble and Hinge. I've actually refused to download Tinder because of the reputation it has for being an app to find a hookup, but I am sure there are some entertaining things to see on there as well. From the pictures, to the bios to the prompt responses, it actually blows my mind that there are men out there (and women as well, I am sure) that think it is okay to write and show these kinds of things. Sometimes it might also be very horrible and unflattering pictures that make me question. Do they think this is what will attract a potential partner? And also, does it ever work? It scares me a little bit to think that these people are out there, I won't lie. I just can't understand the thought process that goes on when they create their profile. Like buddy, just put in an ounce of effort.
I am extremely picky
I will be the first to admit, I tend to have a type. In my defence, not every guy that I have dated has fit into that type. I realized this when I ran out of people on Bumble and I had hardly swiped right. Being selective isn't a bad thing though... right? Maybe my type needs to change, because clearly I haven't had the best luck. What I have learned when I've veered from my usual type is that things can actually be better, much to my surprise.
Online dating can be very time consuming
Between going through different profiles and having conversations with often multiple people at once, being active on a dating app takes a lot of time. If you don't put in the time, you risk losing the interest of the other person. And don't even get me started on actually going on dates. You may go on a few bad ones before you meet someone worth seeing again. I definitely did not expect it to take so much time.
Most matches won't go anywhere
Having multiple matches definitely boosts the ego. I learned that those matches often don't mean a whole lot. With Bumble, the person may answer your initial message but that's it. Sometimes the conversation just suddenly stops. You think you might meet all the people you match with, but the reality is you may meet 1 out of 5. And that's a big maybe. But, at least you know that the people you meet are actually making some sort of effort.
Not everyone is looking for a relationship, or even to date
You would think that it's safe to assuming that people on DATING apps are looking to date and ultimately a relationship? Well you're wrong. A surprising amount of people on dating apps are just looking for something casual. Some are very open about that from the very beginning, and others might take a bit to address it. I can tell you from experience that it is hard to find someone who is looking for the same thing as you, which is why it is important to have a talk early on. I've made it a rule to not let things progress too far before bringing up the scary "what are we?" question, because going six months without having the discussion was a little excessive.
People who aren't on dating apps will probably have an opinion on the fact that you use them
The conversation usually goes like this:
Me: "I had a nice date last night"
Them: "Oh really? How did you meet him?"
Me: "Bumble!"
Them: ".... Nice!"
I can't blame them for looking surprised or unsure. Online dating isn't for everyone, I totally understand that. Don't even worry about what others think about it. I do believe that you can meet someone good online. Yes, it might be harder and many people might have their opinion, but it doesn't matter what they think. You do you boo.
You can find a gem online
Dating apps get a lot of slack. People say you can't find a relationship online and that you won't meet anyone with any quality. I have personally met a couple of men through Bumble and Hinge that I liked quite a lot. Obviously, things didn't work out, but that doesn't say anything about who they were as a person. I tell myself that I made good memories, and I likely wouldn't have met them otherwise.
The dating game has completely changed with time. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the fifties when dating was more about getting to know the person with the purpose of finding a potential spouse. Maybe I'm romanticizing the idea, but it sounded a lot easier, relationship-wise at least. As times change, we adapt. I somehow haven't totally given up on dating apps yet, but boy has being on them opened up my eyes to the reality of dating in the twenty-first century. What I'm saying is, dating and meeting men through dating apps is a roller coaster ride with unexpected twists and turns. Some experiences will shock you and others may turn out great. In my opinion, there is no harm in giving them a try. You might just get lucky.
Do you have any dating app horror stories? I would love to hear them! Leave a comment below! Let me know if reading about some of mine would interest you! I do have a few...