Chemistry. A few years ago, this word meant chemical reactions and a whole lot of headaches. Science never was my strong suit. Romantic chemistry was something that had never crossed my mind. I never really thought about what chemistry meant. It was never something I thought about when I had my first boyfriend early in high school. Now, as an adult, I know what chemistry means and what it feels like. I also now realize that it is something that can't be ignored.
Chemistry is so hard to put into words. It's definitely a feeling that you can sense deep within yourself. It's something that involves so many different elements. It's when you truly get someone, and they get you back. You don't even need to communicate it, you just "get" each other. You have some common interests, you make each other laugh, you just feel good around the other person. You feel a physical attraction, but also an emotional attraction. You're compatible on an emotional and spiritual level. All of these things combined create a kind of feeling you can't ignore. It's what I refer to as a spark.
A relationship with chemistry doesn't mean it is perfect. No relationship is. I can think of one relationship where I knew we had chemistry and we were on the same page. Things felt good. Yes, there were arguments. Yes, there were things about the other person that irked me a little bit. But even still, my heart would skip a beat when they walked into the room and I felt good when I was with them. In the end, it wasn't chemistry that I ended up ending things. I can also think of relationships where the chemistry wasn't there, and it ultimately ended up being the reason why things ended. And honestly, I am thankful for that.
Not too long ago, I briefly dated someone that I didn't have chemistry with. He was a nice guy, was incredibly smart and I was physically attracted to him. Sounds perfect, right? Yeah... Things weren't good. There was a large gap in our interests, his sense of humour was very different than my own and he often got on my very last nerve. And trust me, I'm a patient person. I just didn't feel the the spark and I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something missing. Things were great at first. But then he decided that he needed to slow things down. After that, I realized that I was blinded by the new relationship feeling. When I realized that the chemistry wasn't there, I fought it for a little while. But I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, telling me that I deserved chemistry. I deserved to feel the spark that everyone in a happy relationship should feel. So, I ended things with him. I could tell he was crushed. I told him I didn't feel the chemistry. Funny thing is, he felt that we had it. You see, the feeling of chemistry doesn't necessarily go both ways. Obviously, a good relationship needs mutual chemistry to work.
Which brings me to the guy I dated after. We only dated for a couple months, but I really liked him. He made me feel that spark that I was seeking with the previous guy. In the end, he didn't feel the chemistry. He felt that we didn't have enough in common and that something was missing. I was crushed. I didn't agree. But I didn't fight him on it. No, I didn't feel the same way he did, but I knew how important it was to feel the spark. I knew what it felt like to have it missing. It's truly crushing. I could sympathize with him and ultimately understood.
Chemistry and the lack thereof aren't things you can change. It's not like when your boyfriend leaves his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor and you can ask him work on changing that bad habit. A bad habit is something that can be worked on. Chemistry however, is just there. It can't be forced. I will never beg someone to stay with me and to keep trying if they don't feel chemistry, because I don't want to be in a relationship that feels forced. I will also never settle for someone that doesn't make me feel the spark. Because I know that there is someone out there that will make me feel full on fireworks.
Don't ignore the chemistry. Don't ignore the lack of chemistry. If you are casually dating and you feel a spark with someone, don't ignore that either. Genuine chemistry is so rare. If you are with someone and they don't make your heart flutter, that's also a sign you shouldn't ignore. Only accept the love you think you deserve. Chemistry is so important. Let's stop ignoring it.