Isn't it crazy how just 50 to 70 years ago it was so normal to just go up to someone you had your eye on and ask them out on a date? It wasn't even remotely weird because that was the only way you could do it. You couldn't meet anyone without seeing them face to face, unless you were set up my friends or family. You couldn't go through hundreds of guys on an app and ask someone out by typing it out and hoping they'd be interested. Nowadays, it's almost considered weird and overly forward to ask someone out when you're interested in them. Maybe that's just me... Either way, it's way less common. Many people now meet on dating apps and it has become the norm.
I love the idea of meeting someone through friends somehow. Whether we are introduced with the thought that we could like each other, or even at a party, meeting someone that your friend can let you know if they are good or not is extremely reassuring. They can give you a heads up if that person has some baggage that they know would turn you off, or they can tell you how great you'd be together because they know both of you and have your best interest at heart. I've met guys that I've found appealing through friends a handful of times. Initially, I am always a big chicken. I don't go out of my way to talk to them and show my interest. Instead I think to myself "I wish I was the kind of girl who could just ask a guy out.". I want to tell you about the last time I did that and what I ended up doing.
I was at this party and was newly single. I had been with a guy that I had met on Hinge for a couple of months, and after yet another failed relationship stemming from a dating app, I decided to go on a "boy-cleanse". I swore off guys until a certain date. I would not go looking for a date. No ma'am. Well... at this party, there was this guy that caught my eye. He was tall, had a great smile and a solid beard. He was a total catch. I talked to him a little... Apparently more than I remember though (I blame the sangria on this one). I distinctly remember someone saying that he had left with his friend and I was like "WHAT? NO!", because I had wanted to get his number.
I asked my friend who hosted the party and who worked with said guy if it would be weird if I added him on Facebook, even though we had just met at a party. She didn't think so, and so I did. A couple days later, I was at the gym with a friend who was also a host of this party. I was telling her about how I thought this guy was really cute and I was frustrated that he left without me being able to get his number. I then said, "I really wish I was the kind of girl who was confident enough to just ask I guy out." Asking someone out scared the crap out of me. Maybe it was the rejection or the fear of coming off as being too intense or too forward. I felt like girls who ask guys out are these super confident girls who just radiate self-assuredness. I felt like that wasn't me. My friend looked at me and said, "Why don't you? If you don't send him a message, I will do it for you.". You see, I didn't want her to do that because her way of asking a guy out would have been much more direct than my way. I knew she was very serious. So, I typed out a message and put way too much thought into it, basically letting him know that I had enjoyed meeting him at the party and that if he was interested it would be nice to go out for coffee some time. I showed it to my friend to read over and there it went, waiting to be read. Little did I know, he was working that night and I would be waiting a few hours before getting an answer. Not stressful whatsoever.
Well guess what, he said he would love to. Score! I couldn't believe that it worked. Who knew that growing a spine and going after what you wanted could actually have a positive turnout? What a revelation. No but seriously, I was pretty surprised and very excited that he actually said yes. Looking back, I ask myself, what did I have to lose? We hadn't known each other our entire lives. We didn't work together and didn't have to see each other on a daily basis. If he said no, it really wouldn't have changed anything. The worst he could say is no, and hey, he said yes. See what happens when you just give things a shot?
Dating has become such a weird thing. It's so unusual to ask someone out and to be asked out... I know a small handful of people who met their partners in their surrounding and then I want to say the rest met them online... Which isn't weird whatsoever! I just felt that if I didn't ask out this guy that I had liked and wanted to get to know better, then I could be missing out on the opportunity of possibly being with someone that knew for a fact was a nice guy. Well, according to his coworkers who were my friends.
Yeah that guy didn't turn out to be the very nicest. He basically went out and told me he wasn't looking for a relationship because he would be travelling... in seven months. But that if I never wanted a relationship in the first place, then yes, we could keep seeing each other. Thank you but no thank you. He was a jerk about it but hey, my friends couldn't have anticipated that.
I just figured, life is just too damn short to not go after the things we want. Whether it's asking someone out, applying for a dream job, moving to a new city, changing your hair colour, taking a trip, going back to school, etc. Life is just too short to not seize the moment and at least try to make the things we want to happen, happen. Yes, what I went after didn't work out in the end, but it taught me that a little courage is good and to not doubt myself.
Remember, the worst they can say is no. And if it's a no, then hunny, that's not your loss.
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