April is known as the Month of the Military Child. The fact that there is an entire month set aside to recognize the children of soldiers truly warms my heart. As you may or may not know, I was raised by not one, not two, but three military parents. My mother and father joined as young adults and my step-father joined later in his career. This meant that when my brother and I were born, our parents were well into their careers and the military lifestyle was just a part of our lives. It was never a new thing we had to get used to, it was just how things were. One thing I've learned by talking to my fellow Military Brat friends is that we all experience the military lifestyle differently. What changes each of our experiences is the trade that our parents are in or even the languages that they speak. In my case, the experience was different because both my parents are military, which often isn't the case. I asked three of my friends the questions they get asked the most and wanted to answer them, to give you an insight on what it's like to grow up with soldiers as parents, also using examples of my friends' particular cases and my own.
The most common comment/question: "Wow, you must have moved around a lot" or "How many times have you moved?
This question is usually the first one asked whenever I say my parents are military. It isn't even a totally wrong question to have. However, having military parents doesn't automatically mean you moved every other year. The reality is, there are a lot of factors that come into play to decide not only how often you move, but also where you move to. Some occupations limit where you might move because that trade doesn't operate out of certain military bases. There is also the branch that comes into play, whether it be Navy, Army or Air Force. Needless to say, if you're in the Navy, you won't have to move to the prairies. In certain trades, being bilingual actually opens up the possibilities for where you can live, because you might actually need to speak French to live on a certain base. Many factors come into play. In some cases, your parents might move every couple of years, and in others you can be on the same base for over a decade (which was the case for my family). It's different case by case.
My family only moved three times. I was born in Happy Valley Goosebay, Newfoundland and Labrador and we lived there for approximately two years. We then moved to Kingston, Ontario where we spent 11 years. In military time, that is an extremely long posting (posting? What's that? I'll get to it). We were able to stay this long because the Canadian Military accommodated the special needs support that my brother needed in school, which back in the early 2000's wasn't very common yet. He was able to get help at our french school, which was hard to find, and thankfully the Forces were understanding of that. But after 11 years, it was time to give the space to someone else. We then moved to Petawawa, Ontario. I know... Peta-What? It is a base stashed away in the woods a couple hours North-West of Ottawa. One of the hardest things with this move was going from a relatively big city, to the small town of Petawawa which has a population of approximately 17,000 people. After 6 years in Petawawa, my mom and step-dad moved to Shilo, Manitoba, whereas I moved to Ottawa to pursue my studies. The way I see it, I didn't actually move that much, but I know that for some, living in three places before the age of 12 might seem like a lot.
Was it hard to make friends every time you moved?
Making friends wasn't necessarily the hard part. Of course, it wasn't easy, but the hardest part was maintaining friendships. I would make friends, but in the back of my mind I would wonder how long we'd actually stay friends because I could be moving within a couple of years. I was lucky when it came to making friends. I was in Kingston for the entire duration of elementary school and then moved to Petawawa for the beginning of high school. I didn't have to change schools in the middle of high school like a lot of kids do. I think that's the hardest part for a lot of military kids when it comes to moving. It would be hard to be the new kid when everyone has their own friends and don't really want or need to take care of the new kid. Then again, there are kids who are open to welcoming the new kids, and I am grateful for that. When I got to Petawawa, my classmates had been in the same class for years and were definitely a tight "clique". Thankfully, I met two girls who weren't so much a part of that clique at that time and welcomed me with open arms. Having those people makes the transition so much easier. It always takes time to make friends, and we always found a way. One thing about us military brats is that we are highly adaptable. It's something I take a lot of pride in.
What obstacles are the hardest to overcome?
This question comes up a lot, and it's not an easy one to answer. There are so many parts about being a military kid that make life different and harder. Aside from the moving, I think the hardest part for me was being away from either of my parents for extended periods of time. My dad was deployed to Afghanistan when I was 10 or 11 years old. I believe he was on tour for 7 months. That's a really long time when you're that young. My mom on the other hand was never deployed, but often had to go teach courses for a couple of months at a time. I am very close with my mom, so being apart was always very difficult. Thankfully, technology helps us keep some closeness. Now, the biggest challenge is being far away and having any say in it. I chose to come to Ottawa to be relatively close to home, and shortly after we got the news that my mom was being moved to Manitoba. It's hard, but we make it work. We always do! It's just a part of it.
What does being "posted" mean?
Being posted is a military way of saying "relocated". The forces give families a few months' notice, and suddenly all this planning goes into moving, finding a new school, a new house, etc. We all casually say, "my mom/dad is posted to X base" and we usually get a questioning look. It's kind of just military lingo that we use without really realizing it. But now you know!
Were your mom and dad gone a lot?
Assuming that military parents are gone ALL the time isn't necessarily wrong assumption to have. It often feels like there's always someone we know that has a parent who is either deployed or in training elsewhere. There is always some mission going on overseas or a course going on. The frequency of our parents being gone honestly really depends on what they do and what their rank is. With certain promotions come certain courses. With certain conflicts come certain needs for troupes. My dad was only deployed twice since I was born, whereas some of my other friend's parents were deployed several times, and sometimes they don't even get to know where they are and when they will be back. Which brings me to my next common question.
Do you know where your mom or dad is? When will they be back?
I can't speak from experience on this one, but one of my good friends from high school has been asked this question more times than she can count. Her dad is in the Canadian Special Operations Regiment (CSOR). This regiment is a Special Forces unit that has the capability and responsiveness to respond to complex conflicts and situations, in harsh environments. Because of the nature of their missions, their operations are highly classified and even their family members aren't authorized to have any of the information. I admire this friend so much for her resilience and strength. She is one of the most stoic military brats that I know.
How has having military parents made you stronger?
This is my favourite question to be asked about being a military brat, because it tells me that the person asking recognizes the strength needed to live this kind of lifestyle. I strongly believe that military brats have certain traits and strengths. To me, the most defining traits of military brats and myself are adaptability, maturity and resilience.
Adaptability: When you get plucked from your environment and placed somewhere else, you have no choice but to become adaptable in basically any given situation. As a military brat, there isn't ever really enough time to get fully comfortable somewhere at the point where you might have a hard time stepping out of that comfort zone. Having a military family involved lots of moving and meeting new people in various situations, and I learned to adapt very easily. Today, I am thankful for that because no matter where I go, I'm not scared, and I can make the best of the situation. Whether I am in a work place or social setting, I can adapt to my surroundings and to the crowd with a certain ease. Being raised in a constantly changing environment was hard, but also a blessing.
Maturity: I wasn't raised with both parents being home every night, or every week or month for that matter. I feel that that kind of living propels a kid into independence pretty rapidly. Very early on, I had to learn to face that I wouldn't see my parents for a few months at a time and that I couldn't call them whenever I wanted either. I learned to take care of myself early in high school because my mom would be gone for a couple of weeks at a time. Early on, we would stay with my step dad or a friend's family, but there will still some self-sufficiency required, since we couldn't expect them to do things like our parents would. I remember later on staying home and cooking dinner for my brother and I when my mom would be "on duty" and we would be home alone for the night. I feel as though I've always been a little ahead in maturity, and I do believe that being raised in a military family had a significant impact on that.
Resilience: The capacity to recover quickly from hardship is something I am very proud of. It's a certain toughness that is very common for most military brats that I know. We are faced with difficult situations that could easily knock us down and put a damper on our spirits. However, we bounce back, we keep our chin up and we adapt. We know that complaining and fighting things won't do anything, so we learn to deal in the best way we know how. I was once told by a colleague that the best word to describe me was "resilient". Initially, I didn't really understand where she was coming from. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that indeed, I was pretty darn resilient. I had gone through a lot, not only in my family but in my friendships and relationships as well, and yet, I kept moving forward with a smile on my face. I have a lot of friends who have suffered a lot, and yet, they keep moving forward. They are truly resilient people and I know that the way they were raised had a big impact on who they are. I admire them so much for it.
I grew up being very bitter about the way I was living. I was always upset with the military whenever there was even a chance that we would have to move. When my mom would tell me she had to leave for two months to teach a course, I was angry and sad because that felt like a really long time to be forced apart. Can you tell were close? Looking back, I know that was teenage bitterness. Now, I look at my parents and their careers and all I can really say is "wow". I am immensely proud to come from a family of soldiers who joined the army to serve our country and take part in defending our rights and freedom. I admire them so much, because I know that even if it was hard for me, it is equally hard for them. So, I would like to end this post by saying thank you to my heroes, my parents. I wouldn't be who I am without you. I am so proud to be a military brat.