I turned 23 on May 5th, 2019. I'll be honest, I'm not particularly excited to have turned 23. It’s not exactly a big milestone. I was excited to turn 20 because I was entering my twenties. I was excited to turn 21 because I was legal in the United States. I was excited to turn 22 because Taylor Swift has an incredibly catchy song entirely dedicated to being 22. 23 feels like it’s going to be a pretty regular year. So this year, I am reflecting. Each year I like to reflect on the last year and on how my life is going overall. Since 23 isn’t a big deal to me, I thought that I could reflect a little deeper on the 23 things that I had learned by age 23 and share them with you.
Things I Learned About Friendship
1. Friends can be family too: It is important to have close friends, especially when your family lives so far away. Friends can become a sort of family too. They are people that you trust, can confide in, and who will always have your back.
2. Life is short, it is important to tell your friends how much you love and appreciate them: We never know when our time will come or when our friends time will come. I lost a friend last year suddenly, and I realized how important it is now to remind your friends what they mean to you, because we never know when we will no longer have the chance.
3. You don’t need to stay friends with people from high school or college: Sometimes we are friends with people because it is convenient. We shouldn’t feel bad for losing touch. We grow and become other people, and we are no longer compatible with the people who meant so much to you at one point. But always cherish those memories. Just because you aren’t close anymore, there are still fond memories associated to them. People don't come into your life for nothing.
Things I Learned About The People In My Life
4. People will come and go from your life and that’s okay: Everyone that comes into your life has taught you something in one way or another. Sometimes they aren’t mean to stay for very long. We should never regret something that once made us smile.
5. Life is too short to be spending it on people that make us unhappy: This can be friends, partners or even family members. If someone has a toxic impact on you, or you always dread seeing them, they probably shouldn’t be in your life.
6. You don’t need to put up with anyone’s crap: Setting someone straight doesn’t make you a bad person. You are giving them a chance to make a change. If nothing changes and they are still unloading all their crap on you, remember point 5… You don’t need to be around someone who makes you unhappy.
7. It is important to make time for the people in your life: Like I said, life is short, and we can lose people unexpectedly. It is important to take the time that we can to spend time with our loved ones. Even if it’s just half an hour from time to time. Life gets busy, but our loved ones need to be a priority.
Things I Learned About Love and Relationships
8. There will be other boys that will make you happy: A breakup might feel like the end of the world. You feel like no one else will ever make me as happy as he did. Trust me, there will be others. If you just let yourself be happy without someone else and give it a chance, you will find happiness somewhere else.
9. On that note, you don’t need a boy to make you happy: You need to be happy by yourself before you let someone else add any happiness to your life. It isn’t fair to you or your partner to put that burden on their shoulders. Being single and happy is totally possible, you just need to see that happiness lies within friendship, family and self-care.
10. Always be straightforward about what you want. If you aren’t, don’t be surprised if things don’t go the way you want: Tell the boy that you’ve been seeing what you want. Don’t wait six months before finding out that you aren’t on the same page. You aren’t being intense, you are protecting your own heart and not wasting each other’s time.
11. Don’t force anything: If you heart isn’t fully in it, then what’s the point? It’s better to be single than to be with someone that you aren’t even attracted to. You will be much happier on your own.
Things I Learned About Health and Mental Health
12. Your health, physical and mental, should always be a top priority: It’s easy to put other things first, but I learned the hard way that physical and mental health should be put first. Sometimes, you need to make some lifestyle change and that’s not easy, but the effort is completely worth it.
13. You don’t need to stay in a job that makes you unhappy: There are other jobs out there. If a job is stressing you out and making you unhappy, refer back to point 12. Your health is a priority, take action! Stress can have a tremendous impact on your mental and physical health. No job is worth that.
Things I Learned About Family
14. Family can be messy and that’s okay: The ideal family image that is fed to us by mass media is a total lie. No family is like that, and that’s completely okay. Every family, including my own, has its fair share of drama. Don’t worry about it. It’s not on you to fix anything.
Other Things I've Learned
15. You can never stop learning and you should always try to learn new things: You will learn new skills and knowledge wherever you go. Adding to your skillset by trying new things or reading is so important! We should always welcome new learning opportunities.
16. Do what’s best for you, even if others don’t like it: If moving to another city or changing jobs has a minor effect on someone, but ultimately improves your life, just do it. They will get over it and manage. At the end of the day, your wellbeing is what should be your main focus, not pleasing others. After all, it is impossible to make EVERYONE happy.
17. You are capable of much more than you think: All you need to do is set your mind to it. With a little bit of hard work and brow sweat, you can achieve way more than you ever thought possible. Turn the “I can’t” into “I can” and get to work!
18. You are the only one in control of your life: If there is something you don’t like, you have the power to change it. We are the ones who make conscious and subconscious decisions every day for everything that we do or choose not to do. Don’t like the person you’re with? Do something about it. Don’t like your job? Do something about it. Don’t like that you’re out of shape? Do something about it. We all have control over these things and don’t have to sit there and accept how things are. Take action!
19. Being patient is hard, but important: Being patient with yourself is important. Accept that the process takes time and don’t rush things. Being patient with others is also important, because we are giving them the room to learn and grow.
20. It’s okay to say no: Saying NO doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, sometimes saying no is in the other persons best interest, because when you can say Yes, you will be giving them your full attention and dedication. Saying no is also for your wellbeing and happiness. That is just as important as making others happy, if not more.
21. Failure can act as a driver for success: In the wise words of Aaliyah, “Dust yourself off and try again”. We fail, we learn, we try again, we fail, we learn again, and we keep trying until we succeed. Sometimes, learning from failure will give a better end result. Don’t be ashamed or afraid of failure!
22. Your past doesn’t define your future: You don’t have to let the ghosts of your past determine who you are in the present and who you will be in the future. We have the power to leave the past behind us and move on. We have control of who we choose to be and where we choose to go. A crappy past doesn’t mean a crappy future, if we have the courage to take matters into our own hands.
23. I have time: I have so many goals and things I want to do in my life. Some people I know are already achieving these things and sometimes it’s easy to feel like I'm behind. Well, there is no set schedule on how things are supposed to go. I have my entire life to find my dream job, get married, have children, get a dog and buy a house. It doesn’t all have to happen tomorrow.
I learned many of these things by living through hardship. I think that is often how we learn a lot of life’s most valuable lessons. Having an open mind allows us to learn these things, accept them and put the lessons learned into practice in our everyday lives. Remember, your mindset is what will determine how you go about your life. These were 23 of the many things I have learned in my adult life. I look forward to continuing to learn valuable life lessons, that will ultimately make me a better person.
I hope that you enjoyed reading these things and that some of them resonated with you. Don’t forget to subscribe!
Here is to another year of learning and personal growth!
Bottom right photo and cover image by Sierra Duffey Photography